Romance and those private bits

Romance? Well, it’s tricky. You can take the route of chaste, stolen kisses and absolutely nothing beyond a semi passionate embrace and matrimony, which is frankly a yawn for me. Excluding Jane Austin and the like, but for me they are simply research vehicles into period dress and such like.

Then there are innuendos that the characters actually manage to get into the sack. Well, one assumes they do, or else a stork brings the baby. But miracles happen—if you’re Mary. This scenario can definitely be done, and spectacularly, if you’re clever.

Having said that, some readers enjoy the no erection, no breast touching foreplay. For a young adult (YA) novel this type of romance is imperative, and I admire those writers who can carry it off.

I guess it also works for adults who've never admitted to feeling, tear-his-pants-down or rip-her-dress-off and go at it like bunnies kinda passion.

However, your average full-blooded male or female wants the nuts—did I just say that—and bolts. I’m not talking full on porn, although that definitely appeals to some—boring.

For most readers, sensual foreplay is what excites. The power of suggestion seduces the mind, but the average romance reader wants it all, right up to the climax and the pillow-talk after. Well, women do. Hell, they fantasize about the perfect lover. 

Most adults know what goes on in the bedroom. But do they know scintillating romance and sex? That is where the writer comes in and delivers.

After the first flush of passion, most couples slide into the realm of making the relationship work. Or relationships degenerate into downright boring, or worse, become bitter and selfish. Obviously, there are moments of passion, but it doesn't often stay at the level it first enjoyed—life happens.

Novels are not life. They are fantasy worlds we escape into.

Most people, especially women, like a feel-good fairy tale romance laced with steamy sex. And there is no shortage of that on the market, ranging from great writing to positively barf-horrible.

The trick is writing the scenes in an original way in every scene and avoiding what look like cut and paste sections. Worse than that is churning out what a thousand other romance writers have said before.

Then there’s the dreaded “purple prose.” This malaise seems to infect most new writers. Avoid it at all costs.

What is purple prose? It’s an extravagant or flowery use of words, exceeding what is required to describe a scene. Anyway, it absolutely kills the flow.

But purple prose has a buddy, “the unmentionable private parts.” Nothing beats a throbbing member or petals of pleasure for a fall-off-the-chair laughing experience. Call it what it is penis/erection, vagina/clitoris or variations of these.

Intense emotion isn't necessarily conveyed by focusing on sexual organs anyway.

Having slammed purple prose royally, no pun intended, it’s all too easy to fall into the purple trap in the heat of the writing moment. But thank God for editing, and there is ALWAYS a better way to say something.

Tips:

Close your eyes and relive moments in your own life that turned you on, gave you an earth-shattering thrill. Nobody gets into your bed when you have sex. Well, unless you’re into kinky stuff.

Feel arms around you, feel your lover in your arms. Lips touch, bodies cleave. See it, feel it, taste it, smell it, and then write it. This works, unless you've only ever had horrible experiences. Then your story will have to be about horrible experiences, I guess. Not exactly a feel-good novel.

Get your head around the horrible experiences and use your imagination.

Read aloud what you've written. If you pack up laughing, then something has to change. If you blush and feel as though you have the reader in bed with you, then you’re probably on the right track. The key word is ORIGINALITY. Dig deep.

Write the things you like or fantasize about in sex. Interview the opposite sex and find out how they feel, what they like. Good luck with that. Some men don’t even like to admit they masturbate, and most women sure as hell won’t admit to it readily.